Confession

I am writing this post to admit something I've been hiding for a long time. I was visiting a friend once in a college town in Missouri where the current Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama had been holding a rally. At our rally afterparty, the Senator showed up to all of our surprise. While there I was privy to Mr. Obama engaging in lewd sexual acts towards a squirrel -a baby squirrel. I know this because I was the other half of what he called an "Eiffel Tower". While high-fiving he swore me not to tell anyone, but I think the time has come to rid myself of the crushing guilt.

This is all the God's-honest truth. I was going to release the story on wikileak, but I don't think their security is very good anymore. I pray for mercy...

Sweeney

Fantastic!

A New Theory

James Bowman offers his take on "war war what is it good for".

How Depressing.

Unbelievably depressing. Here he is reading from his ass-kicking essay on a baton-twirling contest at the Illinois State Fair (courtesy of Harper's Magazine).

Holding Up Our Trousers with Extension Cords

Saw Silver Jews last night. See the pictures of it here. If you want to hear about it, you're gonna have to call me. "In 1984, I was hospitalized for approaching perfection...."

THE Classic Line

When did my family go to New York?