The August of Our Decline

This blog used to just suck. Now it royally, supremely, routinely chokes on the world's (fill in favorite body part here). We need to pick it up. Whoever wrote that Radiohead entry should write more. I think it won some awards ... a Bloggie, maybe? John Q. Public loved that one ... or someone like that.

Call the Enquirer

Oh my God you guys, check this out: the Virgin Mary appeared in my pillow case this morning. The back of my head must be kissed by the wet tongue of Jesus.

Late Update: OMG you guys. I just Googled "wet tongue of Jesus" and I'm the only entry. I'm the first person to say "wet tongue of Jesus" on the Internet. Crowning Achievement! And ... Copyright!

"BBC" or "Blind By Choice"

Some interesting news about the BBC's charitable spirit. It seems as though they don't actually know where the money is going, but they still care about the cause of course. They just don't care enough to follow through. I mean it makes them feel good so...

Also check out http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7392213.stm

And somebody please comment on how to link without actually doing what I did above, where I would just put "this article". I just can't seem to keep up.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Booze?

Mr. Kimball is a conservative. He is "hoping that sanity [will] prevail against the neo-temperance activism that would have us endeavor to prevent college students from legally enjoying a few, or even several, beers." The libertarians must also be in favor of lowering the drinking age I can only assume... Who thinks it should be 21??? The God-forsaken religious right? (not a pun) Those who selfishly believe in perpetuating the same unfairness they once endured?

Kimball says he thinks the drinking age drives drinking "underground." Reading that, I couldn't help thinking about all those nights waiting outside Ghetto Gerbes for a friendly mid-Missouri methhead or thug to come save us from our sobriety. One time we made the mistake of driving one of them home in exchange for our Aristocrat and wine-coolers. He offered us an amazing deal on a flat screen television.

I think this story might help explain the real reason people don't want to lower the drinking age. The underground electronics market from theif to thirsty teen-ager is obviously a booming industry. The current drinking age is obviously a socialist-inspired policy driven by hatred of private property. Those lefties are so clever sometimes!!!

When will Jesus bring the pork chops?

The Springfield city council recently hired a new city manager and I believe are paying him one of the highest salaries in the county for that position (relative to the size of the city and all that jive whatever). The main whine I am hearing from the backwoods on this one goes as such: The city has had a hard time coming up with the money for our police and firefighter's pensions. They have made all kinds of cuts in all kinds of places to come up with what they need so far, but still say it will remain a major problem. So, the whine goes, how can the city council justify paying someone, with no experience they point out incessantly, such a high salary when they are having to make cuts yada yada. You get the point.

So here's the question, Can you justify paying this man so much money saying the problems are so big that is just how much it costs to get someone in who can fix them? Does the fact that he has zero city manager experience eliminate that justification? Does anyone care about local politics? Did 'Sarah Steelman' even actually exist? Can I vote for Micheal Phelps for president? Is anyone listening anymore? Is BPB real? Does anyone love me? Ok, well then does anyone have any drugs?

Free Coiffures For the (Un)Fortunate

If they give free haircuts to the homeless, I have a feeling John Edwards didn't actually pay for that $300 haircut. I smell a scandal!!!!!

Raise your hand if you're tired of baby boomers....

then take that hand down and slap a baby boomer. Selfish pricks.